Thursday, April 18, 2013

I can't believe it's been 3 months.

Yesterday, it has been 3 months since his passing. Every day that goes by it sinks in a little more that he is gone. Ugh! No person should ever have to feel this kind of loss. With every hard day that we have, I think of how strong he was during all of his hard days. He smiled through even the toughest days. You have seen that big smile. He is so much stronger/tougher than I ever will be. That little smile makes me want to help other little tough kids fighting a big fight. The family made big giant picture boards of his smiley happy days for the funeral and now his bedroom is filled with those pictures. I am so thankful for those. The twins still bring him treats and leave them in his room for him. The pile is getting pretty big now. His room is left just as it was the last time he slept in his bed. I look at his Sesame Street sheets that he picked out the last time he & I changed his bed. It's the little meaningless everyday stuff from then, that means so much now. The little memories. I hug the twins a little tighter now for sure. Trying to get used to having 2 kids instead of 3 feels so unnatural. On the best of days, there is always that sense of I'm forgetting something or something/someone is missing, but all the time every day. Ok, I could go on & on.....anyway in the next couple of weeks I want to start filling the parent/kiddo bags for the PICU & new diagnosis kids in the cancer kiddos floor. I need a good name for these bags of emergency supplies for people fresh from the ambulance. I was thinking along the lines of "Cameron's Big Fight bag, it's going to be a big fight, FIGHT BIG!" but I need some ideas for names. In these bags, we would have the basics & a little card that tells his story and refers here for links to resources how to help them out. We also want to do some toys for them too. Cameron would always say "Are you happy now, are you happy?" He was a people pleaser for sure. Anyone that worked with him can agree! Oh, I was talking to the Child Life ladies at Doernbechers and they are in MAJOR need of non-latex balls & Lego sets for the kiddos. I thought I would let you know if anyone wanted to donate some to them in Cameron's honor. You can donate them directly to the Child Life department in the PICU or 10 south, or we can bring them up. Thank you so much for all of your love, support & prayers! ♥

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Tough, but good day yesterday!

Wow, what a big day today was. We took a bunch of Cameron's Christmas presents, that he would never be able to open, up to Doernbecher's Children's Hospital, the pediatric intensive care unit(PICU) & the Cancer kids floor too. Thank you to everyone who gave him presents!! They were much appreciated, and now they will help other children in need too. It was so hard to see the gifts in our closet, the toys he would never play with & think of the future he would never have. We thought we would try to make some children happy out of all this tough stuff. Cameron was really good at sharing. Today would have been his one year diagnosis of Leukemia. It was super hard but it was sooooo nice to see all of the familiar faces of the super sweet nurses & doctors. We brought them some treats, but we could never come close to spoiling them, like they spoiled us. It was nice to be able to hug & cry & tell them in person how thankful we are for all of their help. I want to thank all of our nurses & doctors here too. They also helped out during rough times too. The one good thing that came out of this, is the idea to give back in some way that makes a difference to these families that are currently going through a super tough time too. We have been inspired by so many people that reached out to us, Team Cole, the sparrow club,new friends,old friends & family. We were so lucky to have all of the help, but there are people out there that don't have the help we did. This is our idea for helping out...when you get off of the ambulance, you & your child have only the clothes on your back. We thought that our help could be giving the parent & kido a big tote bag full of emergency basics. Like a mini-survival kit. That first night there it would have been nice to have a nurse hand me a bag with some new Jammie's, slippers, socks, new underwear, deodorant, a hairbrush, tooth brush, a soft blanket, a cafeteria gift card, ect. You get the idea. We could do a mom version, dad version & kido version. A wonderful friend Jaquie has been chatting with me and she has donated a bunch of big tote bags now we just need to fill them. She works with the company "Thirty-one" . They sell all kinds of big tote bags for this & she is donating some & some of the sales she does to this too. I am just in the very, very beginning stages of this but it would be a way for our family & Cameron to help out others during one of the scariest times. I am just in the idea stage, at some point I may ask if you want to donate any supplies for these gear bags. I will keep you posted. I have no clue about the details to all of this, it's just a need that's out there that I would never have known about if I hadn't gone through this myself. Another idea, is if you want to bring some big plastic lined bags like this to your local pediatric ICU or children's hospital in Cameron's honor. Thank you SO MUCH for all of your love, prayers & support. Big hugs & loves to you. Wow, I wrote a book today! Thank you!