Thursday, April 18, 2013

I can't believe it's been 3 months.

Yesterday, it has been 3 months since his passing. Every day that goes by it sinks in a little more that he is gone. Ugh! No person should ever have to feel this kind of loss. With every hard day that we have, I think of how strong he was during all of his hard days. He smiled through even the toughest days. You have seen that big smile. He is so much stronger/tougher than I ever will be. That little smile makes me want to help other little tough kids fighting a big fight. The family made big giant picture boards of his smiley happy days for the funeral and now his bedroom is filled with those pictures. I am so thankful for those. The twins still bring him treats and leave them in his room for him. The pile is getting pretty big now. His room is left just as it was the last time he slept in his bed. I look at his Sesame Street sheets that he picked out the last time he & I changed his bed. It's the little meaningless everyday stuff from then, that means so much now. The little memories. I hug the twins a little tighter now for sure. Trying to get used to having 2 kids instead of 3 feels so unnatural. On the best of days, there is always that sense of I'm forgetting something or something/someone is missing, but all the time every day. Ok, I could go on & on.....anyway in the next couple of weeks I want to start filling the parent/kiddo bags for the PICU & new diagnosis kids in the cancer kiddos floor. I need a good name for these bags of emergency supplies for people fresh from the ambulance. I was thinking along the lines of "Cameron's Big Fight bag, it's going to be a big fight, FIGHT BIG!" but I need some ideas for names. In these bags, we would have the basics & a little card that tells his story and refers here for links to resources how to help them out. We also want to do some toys for them too. Cameron would always say "Are you happy now, are you happy?" He was a people pleaser for sure. Anyone that worked with him can agree! Oh, I was talking to the Child Life ladies at Doernbechers and they are in MAJOR need of non-latex balls & Lego sets for the kiddos. I thought I would let you know if anyone wanted to donate some to them in Cameron's honor. You can donate them directly to the Child Life department in the PICU or 10 south, or we can bring them up. Thank you so much for all of your love, support & prayers! ♥

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