Wednesday, July 17, 2013

6 months

It has been 6 months today since we lost our sweet boy. It always get hard for me just before the 17th of each month but this one is different. It is a different kind of hard. With all of the therapy and medicines helping I am getting into the acceptance part of this and the reliving & obsessing over every detail over & over again isn't as dominating for my day. It is now just a deep, deep sadness. The kind you just can't put into words but can just physically feel. It is so strange to have all of these feelings. No one can prepare you for something like this, no matter what the circumstance. There is no way to predict how it will all feel. I just have to "go with it" and observe & try to learn from each low time to be ready to tackle the next one. I love to hear stories of him, or ways he has helped someone, or even that someone has dreamed or thinking of him. Its a gift. There is a FB page that really puts all of this into words that a FB friend shared with me "Silent Grief-Child loss support" it really helps put the feelings into words. This may be helpful if you know anyone else who has lost a child of any age. It makes sense of the things that don't make sense. I went out to the kids swing in our back yard the other day and (the kids had asked us to hang Cameron's swing back up) and in his swing were a big pile of dried flowers. I asked Keylin if she put them there, "Yes mommy, they are for Cammy, he would like them" this is how a 4 year old grieves. She & Cressey are still doing little things to honor him. They are doing so well with all of this. We got them 2 dogs to help bring a little sunshine. It seems to be working. They say kids are resilient but it breaks my heart to see them go through this too. They are doing pretty well, the crying for him outbursts are getting less & less. Dad is hanging in there, he is so strong. He is the rock. It makes me feel the closest to normal when I work on his "Cameron's Fight Big Bags" the wheels of progress turn slowly but this fundraiser will help BIG. The process of getting the P.O Box is taking longer than I thought but, we will get there. Slow & steady wins the race. Sorry if I am bombarding you with all of the fundraiser ads. I don't want to be annoying, seriously. Thank you for all of your love, prayers & support to get us through this brutal last 6 months. It can only get easier right??? Thank you, big hugs

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