Wednesday, January 8, 2014

It has almost been a year.

Sorry I haven't posted anything but legacy events in awhile.  The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy, family & happy memories.  I didn't want to be a "downer" with the updates on how it was all going here on the home-front. The holidays were as good as they could be.  The twins had a fun Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas & New Years.  They handled it all really well. They accepted that "Cammy" is having the best of each holiday EVER in heaven. In heaven, there is tons of candy, turkey, big giant presents and really great new years fireworks. They were happy Cameron got to be with Jesus on "Jesus's birthday". It helped to be out of town for Halloween.  I just couldn't face the first Halloween with out him, so being out of town with the family was a good distraction. I had to avoid Thanksgiving and Christmas I put on the brave face and hung in there, for the most part.  It really helped that we got our tree from the Christmas bereavement program. Our friends and family have been so wonderful making this season easier, no pressure, understanding & super supportive.  We really have great friends & family. Dad Cressey was a trooper through it all. He organized all of the holidays & legacy events and did a great job. The Toy drive from Block 15 and the Healthy Look Salon, St. Baldricks events were really great. "The 31 days of Cameron" good deeds & random acts of kindness that our friend Katie Carleski is doing is really great. Burnedette, dedicating all of her training miles, the list goes on & on. It is really great to see so many people come together to help create his legacy. To make the world better. That's all a mom wants her kids to do, or it's a good start anyway. I can't begin to express how thankful I am.   I still struggle with being out at events & social stuff, but my friends "get it" and are wonderful.   Everyone has been really great at my new job and super supportive.  Learning all of the new procedures has been helpful in keeping me from dwelling on things 24hrs a day.  I still see him everywhere, meaning who he would have been. I miss him so much is an understatement. They say the pain of  losing him never goes away, you just learn to live with it. There are just no words to describe it. It is always there, just under the surface, but we try to be positive. Every day I wake up & its one more day with out him, every night when I go to bed its one day closer to seeing him again. We try to make life as normal as possible for the twins. Our 7 year wedding anniversary was on Dec 17th, the day the doctors told us he had 24 hrs to live if we stayed the course. That was when we had to make the decision to try everything in our power to save him. Cameron went on the ECMO lung bypass machine & I became the "Prayer beggar". The prayers worked, they helped, he bounced back several times because of them, is our point of view. That was a hard day to say the least both this year and last year.  We got to have him one more month from that point. We got a month of love, some smiles, to tell him how strong he is & how much we love him. Thanks to the wonderful nurses, doctors & staff, they were so supportive & continue to be, and we are so thankful.  I just can't believe Jan 17th will be a year since the worst day ever & that we have all been doing this & going through this together. It feels like a million years and a blink all at the same time. How do we ever say thank you, to you for all of your love, prayers, support & positive ju-ju.  It is amazing to think of all of the people that have banded together in his honor to love him & honor him and his sweet little life.  How do I ever say thank you enough for helping him to make a beautiful mark on this world.  I think he would be really proud that 8,000+ people came together to be a family here...of support & love for him. He would REALLY like it that other kids & families are being helped.   Thank you soooooo much for everything, all of your love prayers & support! Big giant hugs to you!

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