Tough, but good day yesterday!

Wow, what a big day today was. We took a bunch of Cameron's Christmas presents, that he would never be able to open, up to Doernbecher's Children's Hospital, the pediatric intensive care unit(PICU) & the Cancer kids floor too. Thank you to everyone who gave him presents!! They were much appreciated, and now they will help other children in need too. It was so hard to see the gifts in our closet, the toys he would never play with & think of the future he would never have. We thought we would try to make some children happy out of all this tough stuff. Cameron was really good at sharing. Today would have been his one year diagnosis of Leukemia. It was super hard but it was sooooo nice to see all of the familiar faces of the super sweet nurses & doctors. We brought them some treats, but we could never come close to spoiling them, like they spoiled us. It was nice to be able to hug & cry & tell them in person how thankful we are for all of their help. I want to thank all of our nurses & doctors here too. They also helped out during rough times too. The one good thing that came out of this, is the idea to give back in some way that makes a difference to these families that are currently going through a super tough time too. We have been inspired by so many people that reached out to us, Team Cole, the sparrow club,new friends,old friends & family. We were so lucky to have all of the help, but there are people out there that don't have the help we did. This is our idea for helping out...when you get off of the ambulance, you & your child have only the clothes on your back. We thought that our help could be giving the parent & kido a big tote bag full of emergency basics. Like a mini-survival kit. That first night there it would have been nice to have a nurse hand me a bag with some new Jammie's, slippers, socks, new underwear, deodorant, a hairbrush, tooth brush, a soft blanket, a cafeteria gift card, ect. You get the idea. We could do a mom version, dad version & kido version. A wonderful friend Jaquie has been chatting with me and she has donated a bunch of big tote bags now we just need to fill them. She works with the company "Thirty-one" . They sell all kinds of big tote bags for this & she is donating some & some of the sales she does to this too. I am just in the very, very beginning stages of this but it would be a way for our family & Cameron to help out others during one of the scariest times. I am just in the idea stage, at some point I may ask if you want to donate any supplies for these gear bags. I will keep you posted. I have no clue about the details to all of this, it's just a need that's out there that I would never have known about if I hadn't gone through this myself. Another idea, is if you want to bring some big plastic lined bags like this to your local pediatric ICU or children's hospital in Cameron's honor. Thank you SO MUCH for all of your love, prayers & support. Big hugs & loves to you. Wow, I wrote a book today! Thank you!

Happy update!!!

Happy update...remember Alec, who was super sick in the PICU with us and needed your prayers...He is back in school!!!!!! The prayers totally worked!! His mom Michelle was a big help in the PICU and a familiar face from the cancer kids floor we were on before we went to the PICU. It is such a victory to see someone make it out of that world and doing well! I love good news! Thank you for the prayers love & support! It worked!!! ♥

I miss him

I had a dream last night I was kissing little Cameron & just smothering him with kisses. Thank God for dreams! I just miss him. I told the twins "That's Gods gift to us when someone we love goes to heaven. We get to dream about them & it's like they are right there." It is amazing how tears can just pour & pour from your eyes like water from the faucet. I didn't know that was possible. Thank goo...dness we have a great team of friends, family, doctors & medication to help through all of this. Time is helping too. It still sucks on so many levels, but it's helping a smidge. It's been 2 months but it feels like a million years. I just miss him so much. I wasn't done being his mommy, not by a longshot. It just feels like so much left undone. It is really just now sinking in for the twins. We are so lucky to have great nurses, friends & family doing fun special things for the twins to keep them happy. Thank you everyone who have helped us out in so many, many ways. I wish I could return the favors somehow. It really takes a team to get through all of this. We are so grateful for all of the people reaching out to us. Big hugs & loves to you!!! ♥ Thank you for the prayers too ♥

Bone marrow donation for Cameron's buddy Collin

In trying to help out little Collin who has relapsed with Leukemia (Cameron's little buddy) there is a national registry if you want to register to see if you match as a bone marrow donor for him or someone else. Collin will need a bone marrow transplant, and I know several other kids at Doernbecher's that went through the transplant process. You may just save a little ones life ♥ You can go to "bethematch.org" to check out how to get on the registry. Just an idea I had to try to help them out. :) Thank you for all of the love & prayers!! ♥

Meet Collin...one of Cameron's buddies. He needs Prayer too!

This is little Collin he was a few months ahead of Cameron in his treatment and about the same age. He is one of Cameron's little buddies up at Doernbechers. His mom Rachel is super sweet and gave me tons of tips on navigating this process. They just found out that he relapsed with Leukemia & has to start the treatment all over again plus a bone marrow transplant. This is a tough road for them. Please send as many prayers as you can, they need them. Thank you for the prayers & cheering on one of Cameron's little buddies. This is him making new buddies!!!

love this!!!! ♥

An update on my thoughts and a BIG Thank You!

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. We miss him so much. I keep waiting for it to get easier. People are so sweet in the kind things they do for our family. It is amazing the random acts that we will never know who did it but super helpful. I have some really great friends & family but I am still struggling to get "out & about". This has sure given us a whole new appreciation for what people go through during heartbreaking times. Cameron's leukemia diagnosis date, April 9th is coming up. I m not sure what we can do to honor him on that day. Maybe we will make a trip to Doernbechers and do something for the kids & nurses. I just miss him so much. The twins are holding up. Every day we talk about Cameron and the cute things he would say and how much he would like whatever it is we are doing at the moment. I went through the swimming bag and found his diapers & swimsuit. I fell apart. It is just so not okay that he is not here anymore. The part that helps is that he is safe in heaven happy and at peace watching over all of us. I will hug & kiss him again someday, it just really sucks right now. No one gets out of this life without trials & tests of strength. He showed what true strength and smiling through the hard times is. He really is my little hero. I could learn a lot from him to get through this tough time. Thank you for all of your love, prayers & support. Big hugs & loves to you.